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Posted on December 13th, 2018 in Betrayal Trauma, Recovery, Self Care, Self love, Sex Addiction

Once you have discovered your partner’s betrayal, you may feel stuck, frozen, overwhelmed, chaotic.  This discovery to-do list was created to help guide you through the initial shell shock & devastation. It’s a clear & concise step by step plan to take care of you.  This list is also available for download here.

Step 1️⃣: Make a Doctor’s Appointment

POSSIBLE TALK POINTS ? Use this info-sheet to determine possible concerns to share with your family doctor/general practitioner.

✅ STI/STD SCREEN ? Strongly recommended regardless of partner’s acting out history. Better to be on the safe side because some STI’s are not symtomatic.

✅ SLEEP DISTURBANCES  ? Sleep disturbances are common after discovery. This can interfere with healing and compound symptoms. There are some natural sleep remedies, but during this time it may be easier to use a prescribed sleep aid. Always check with your doctor first.

✅ ANXIETY & DEPRESSION ? Please discuss unmanageable emotions with physician. Medication may be a helpful, temporary, tool to get you through this crisis period. Why white knuckle it if you don’t have to?

Step 2️⃣: Connect With A Specially Trained Counsellor/Therapist

WHY? ? Discovery of a partner’s betrayal is traumatic. It changes how we feel about ourselves and the world around us. You may be thinking “This is his/her problem not mine. He/she needs to fix himself/herself”. Even though you didn’t cause this and don’t deserve this, you owe it to yourself to minimize it’s lasting impact. An APSATS trained therapist is a counsellor specifically trained to help partners of sex addicts. A CSAT trained therapist is trained to help sex addicts.

Step 3️⃣: Join a Support Group

WHY A SUPPORT GROUP? ?  The more support the better! There’s nothing like being in an environment where everyone understands and is experiencing similar pain. There is so much to learn from others in different stages of discovery. Imagine knowing & feeling you’re not alone?


? SMART Recovery @ www.smartrecovery.org

? S-Anon @ www.sanon.org

? Calming Current’s Private Facebook Group @ https://www.facebook.com/groups/933100966900805/

Step 4️⃣: Confide in a Trusted Friend or Family Member

The more supports you have in place, the better. This is a tricky one. For some, the initial urge might be not to tell anyone. This leaves us alone, isolated, fearful, and overwhelmed. When we reach out in a time of need, and have our story cherished by a loved one – we share the burden and the pain. Pick someone you trust not to tell your story and someone who is empathetic. For others, the urge may be to tell many people. It’s best to resist this urge and keep your circle small in the beginning because what we say in crisis, we may regret later. Sharing our story is a gift we give to someone who deserves our trust. Check out Brene Brown’s video, “Empathy” on You Tube. It may help you decide who to tell.

Step 5️⃣: Become Informed

Information is Power. The more we understand sex addiction and betrayal trauma the better we can help ourselves and our families heal.


Check out these RESOURCES:

Online ? The Love, Betrayal, & Beyond Program @ https://www.calmingcurrent.com/online-course/

Books ? Find a list of resources @ https://www.calmingcurrent.com/resources/

Podcasts  ? Mastering the Art of Boundaries @ https://beyondbitchy.com/podcast/

? Blog Talk Radio @ http://www.blogtalkradio.com/sexhelpwithcarolthecoach 

Movie  ? “Gaslight” The 1944 film starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer – The term gaslighting is said to be coined from this movie.

You’ve got this.❤️

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