Is there hope for my sex addicted partner?
Is there hope for me?
These questions come up quite often … and understandably so.
The quick answer is YES. There is hope. Regardless of whether the relationship with the person experiencing sex addiction continues or ends … there is hope for healing and a brighter, happier tomorrow.
Right now, as much as you may be focused on your partner and what they are doing or not doing … the best chances for success is to take that focus, take that hyper-vigilance, and focus that energy on yourself.
Hyper-vigilance, snooping, checking, and ruminating, give us the illusion of control. It may also give us the illusion of safety. If I look long enough, hard enough and I don’t find anything troublesome then I am safe. You might even be thinking if you found something again, it would be easier because then you could end the relationship and therefor end the turmoil of emotions that you are experiencing while waiting for the other shoe to drop. Neither of these are very effective. They can be soul crushing and time stealing.
Sometimes it feels like we don’t have a choice … but we do! We can choose our behaviours, how we respond to the situation. If we can challenge our perception of events, our feelings will change accordingly and our actions/behaviours will follow too.
Ask yourself this … If I continue searching for evidence, will that stop the pain? What good will it accomplish?
If we take that determination and drive and focus it on healing, imagine what we can accomplish. This is the time to tend to you. Prioritize yourself. Get a counsellor. Read that book, watch that movie, eat that ice cream. Take this time to re-learn what makes you happy. Your partner’s job is to focus on his recovery … don’t worry … you’ll know if he is working recovery or not. For the ones who have lost their ability to listen to their gut instincts or their intuition … it will return. In the meantime, there is a journal post that addresses what recovery may look and feel like.
Check it out here https://www.calmingcurrent.com/what-does-someone-in-recovery-look-like/
Please share and comment and let’s get the conversation started. – K