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Posted on June 11th, 2018 in Addiction, Articles, Sex Addiction

Is your partner a sex addict?

Have you just discovered something on your partner’s cell phone or computer?

Maybe you found a secret email address with messages, chats, and pictures that have shocked and shattered you to your core.  Have you been left heart broken, and feeling like life as you know it is over?  If you’re stunned, grieving, insecure, furious and sad all at the same time … you are not alone.   

To determine wether this is addiction, you can start here by asking your partner to complete this online  assessment through Recovery Zone:

Take Survey

Be prepared.

This survey asks many, personal questions that you might not be ready for just yet. It’s ok if your partner completes the survey alone and shares the end results with you.

Addiction has a very clear pattern

It starts with a trigger, preoccupation (fantasizing), ritualization (preparing to act out), acting out, and then shame & despair.

Betrayal is devastating

Sex addiction can be as traumatizing to the partner as it is to the addict.  You may not be interested in hearing this just yet, but even though sex addiction seems like an entirely different ballgame than the “other’ addictions, it is really quite similar.  Meaning, addiction of any sort doesn’t come from pleasure but from pain.  If your partner is a sex addict, they are using sex to soothe.  It is a coping mechanism used to deal with feelings, situations, or worries that are uncomfortable or painful.  Sex is used as an escape in the same way some misuse smoking, alcohol, eating, exercise, or substances.

A sex addiction pattern is usually formed at a young age and manifests itself over time.  Somewhere along the line, the addict made brain chemical associations between pain and sex.  In some cases sex addiction may develop due to more overt experiences such as emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.  It can also result from more covert experiences like an unhealthy parent-child attachment.

I remember when Tiger Woods entered treatment for sex addiction, I was thinking, “Ya right, they are using sex addiction as an excuse.”  However, after much experience and education on the topic, I can say quite confidently having a sex addiction isn’t fun.  Discovering your partner has been having sexual experiences outside of your relationship isn’t fun either.  It is traumatic and life altering. 

Regardless of your decision to stay in the relationship or leave, getting help with healing is essential.  With the right support and guidance, not only is healing possible, love and life can blossom like never before. 

Dont allow your wounds to transform you into someone you are not. Paulo Coelho.

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